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From the Heart

Bonnie

Bonnie

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I Fell Upon The Stone

Posted by Bonnie
Bonnie
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on Sunday, 13 August 2017
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Last night full of conflicting emotions and depleted of physical energy I flung myself on my pillow. Then at that exact moment hearing from somewhere deep in my spirit “surrender” which I did. I felt completely spent. Maybe that made it easier to recognize that it was time certain emotions needed to be dealt with at the feet of Jesus. The only one who really can feel, experience and take on those emotions that were of such intensity and rendering me exhausted.
Next I found it a bit strange to hear coming up from deep within myself, “fall upon this stone and be broken to pieces.” It went simultaneously with my inner surrender of giving Jesus my emotions and my unresolved issues. I was pleasantly surprised to find that as I surrendered or gave up my struggles they were melting away and that stone was melting into me with such an incredible, inexpressible peace. Peace continued to envelope me. It felt so amazingly good. I would describe it as feeling the strong presence of God surrounding me. I felt so perfectly safe and content. I did not want to leave being in that state for well …. never. It is so wonderful!!! Exactly what I needed and wanted.
In that peace I was devoid of fear and realized that verse in Matthew 21:44 had kind of scared me. But now I understand what it truly means. At least to me.
When I willingly fall on Jesus the Rock I will not be crushed into dust. Certainly, He has the power to crush when it is needed but that wasn’t what He had planned for me. He had a different outcome in mind.
Falling on the stone to me means giving the hurting pieces of my heart to Jesus. All of them. The broken pieces landed on Him and melted into Him along with my exhausted spirit. Jesus the one who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds, Psalm 147:3. The one who (Acts 10:34-38) went around doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him. The one whose everyday life when walking on this earth was not only sharing the good news, touching lives but healing bodies and hearts from enemy oppression.
Jesus is many things to me and now I have experienced even more with Him, He not only is an unwavering rock in my life but a rock that also can melt me with peace. He really can do anything. To me He is the only one with the answers and solutions. Now I am not just hanging on for dear life to the Rock as stormy waves come relentless, with my hair whipping in the wind. My reality is that in the midst of any storm I must slow down, be calm enough even if it is only for a split second to hurl myself upon Him. My image of this is my darling granddaughter as she with complete abandonment hurls herself on us with her hugs and kisses. She holds nothing back whether she is feeling joy, pain, fear or laughter. She already knows who in her young life is her “safe” place to run to and she does not hold back to release whatever her emotional need might be. She knows where to run to for love, comfort and protection. She teaches me so much about pure and unconditional love. My heart is very grateful for her. Very blessed and grateful for such a gift.
John 6:37- Matthew 21:42- 44 and Mark 12:10 will never be the same to me ever again. Being broken is going to happen. It is who we are as imperfect, vulnerable, humans without a comprehensive view of all things. It means living life, taking risks to love, share our lives with other imperfect humans and stepping out of our corner to care, also to be who are destined to be in the best possible way. Not all will receive us the way we hope, desire or even intend. Communication may get crossed, misconstrued, or even be maligned against us. Accusations can be flung in our faces. I know what that is like and have experienced how it feels…. at least how it feels when it happens to me. Even more reason for me to fling myself upon Jesus. My Savior. My Leader. My Deliverer. My Rock. My Healer. The one who gets me. Who helps me deal with my multi faceted emotions. The one who Loves me. Unconditionally- no matter how messy it gets. The one who receives the pieces of my brokenness and is making me whole. The one who has my blueprint.
I know that being a rock doesn’t have to mean being stone cold and hard. Being a rock can also mean being a powerful advocate, a safe harbor, peace that melts fear, and an ocean of love that reaches into the recesses of my broken heart that actually needs tenderness and fewer words. A heart that is on a path to be restored. Gently. Maybe it even needs to be replaced with an authentic heart with a greater capacity to love and extend love. The journey to wholeness may involve surrender, resignation of doing it in my own power and way but it also requires the tenacity of courage. Yes, surrender can be a sweet thing and even bring that healing that has been out of grasp.
Keeping on it.
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Being Brilliant Light

Posted by Bonnie
Bonnie
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on Thursday, 17 December 2015
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Being Brilliant Light

Interesting scripture reading this morning. Isaiah 30:26.

The light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be seven times brighter, like the light of seven days, on the day the Lord binds up the fracture of HIs people and heals the bruise He has inflicted.”

Fracture, echoes that we are all broken or fractured as we go through lives events, circumstances and situation. Stuff happens. It’s inevitable that we are going to get hurt. Then what do we do in our wounded state? Many are the things people try to soothe the pain within themselves. Sometimes a temporary relief of the pain comes. It may take some time. Some wounds may last a lifetime. There is a power and love greater than ourselves. Jesus who loves the brokenhearted. The Lord is our healer. He heals the wounds inflicted by our disobedience, sin, other peoples sin and iniquity. He has not left us alone or without remedy.

The Church in the world is made up of people. Many of those people still carry untreated wounds. Many are still fractured even though they “know” Jesus as Savior. Do they know Him as healer of their whole heart? Do they let Him heal their wounds of their spirit and hearts? Some do yes. Many still are struggling - often looking in other places for their healing.

As the Church is healed person by person God’s glory and splendor is revealed through the release of the darkness within them that lodges in their wounds and hurts. A healed heart has God’s love and light in it. That draws others to the light.

John 8:12 - Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

There is nothing like a bright, sunny day to bring hope to our spirits. Light makes things clearer. Yes, as we let more of the Light of Jesus shine in our hearts it exposes dark things in us. Just like light on what you are reading God’s light brings the answer to those dark areas. As we admit them, ask Him for forgiveness and allow Him to take it away- whatever it might be He releases us, frees us from that pressure or bondage. Yes, there is a price we pay. But it is SO worth it.

The price of confession, forgiveness, repentance, condemnation, criticalness, shame, control and humility to name a few. As we recognize we need help it is easier to let go of those things.

He desires to flood us with the warmth of His light. In His light we see who we really are. Sons and Daughters of Mighty God, King of Kings. Notice the difference in our vision after we give up to Jesus the deceptive views of the enemy. Don't miss this powerful insight.So valuable to Him He sent Jesus to die for our sins so we could be totally reconciled to Him. He doesn’t stop there. He wants an ongoing relationship with us. A two way street, two way conversation relationship with us.

John 4:23-24-God is a spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

As our hearts are cleansed and receive the truth of who we are, we become a reflection of our Father. Like Father like Son. Just like Jesus who is our example. When we come out of the dark into Jesus’ light we find He accepts us as we are, loves us and heals us. It is then we know and experience Him. The brilliance of God is irresistible.He doesn’t condemn us. Rant at us. He already knows what’s in our hearts anyway. Still He wants us. He will never leave us. Loves us unconditionally. Truly. Now that is a love that is irresistible.

Philippians 2:14-15

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world.”

The Church is to be the Light of the World. A light on a hill. A light in a dark place. Light that draws others to the source of that Light. Jesus.

The Church must get in the right condition to be the light of the world. Out with the infections of the soul and spirit and in with the light comes the love of Jesus. Seven times brighter on the day the Lord binds up a fracture of His people and their wounds. Jesus who cures our hearts of ALL. As God’s wonderful people truly let go and let God shine through them many in the world will be drawn to our God. Now there is something to think on. How worth the price each individual pays. Be filled with the Love of God.

Nothing is Impossible with God.

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Battle of the Mind

Posted by Bonnie
Bonnie
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on Thursday, 18 June 2015
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When in pain, whether it is physical or emotional, it can easily cloud our better judgment and perspective. Recently while sitting in a hospital emergency room with a loved one for hours I was able to observe how people handled their pain. Some looked fearful. I believe in some cases it was more a manifestation of the person's fear and pain or both. Others looked miserable. Impatience was also rampant apparent in grumbling and in some cases chewing out the medical staff.

I really see a correlation between pain and fear. Speaking from my own life perspective, the majority of pain I've experienced has probably been emotional pain. Yes, I have experienced physical pain from illness or bones I've fractured which God has blessed me by healing my body in those seasons. My fiercest reoccurring battles involving emotional pain have been with my mind. now that can encompass a broad gamut from disappointment to the loss of a loved one. One of my roughest times emotionally was being depressed fro about 2 years. This was painful time for me. It was a time of daily battling negative and dark thoughts. Fear masqueraded as a giant in my mind.

Depression had other effects on my life. Over time my physical energy decreased, sleep eluded me and I found little joy in my life. While I was steeped in self pity and being focused inwardly (otherwise being selfish) my family suffered. It is difficult to live with a person with a negative outlook on life.

They never wavered to encourage me, to pick up the daily slack when I retreated from daily chores and they never complained. They always believed I would come out of that dark place and be victorious. They also knew my savior Jesus. So they just kept loving me.

One day the light of truth broke through my dark, negative, depressive thoughts.

I knew I needed a breakthrough. I went into the bedroom with my Bible and my laptop to play worship songs. I was determined not to come out until God had changed me. I was desperate. The Spirit of God gently, persistently spoke and showed me Truth. Worship filled with Praise and Truth went deep in my heart and spirit. I rallied. I cried. It hurt to see how much of the darkness of the enemy I had allowed into my thinking and heart. I knew better. I chose to own up to my wrong, ungodly thoughts and actions. This revelation led to lots of confession and repentance first before my God. My wonderful God forgave, freely and liberally. It is hard to put into words how it feels to receive forgiveness when you know you desperately want and need it but also know you don't deserve it. How does one describe feelings of unconditional love? Or freedom from condemnation? The best way I know to do it is to introduce you to my Father God through Jesus. They are the definition. They are incredible. They are all you need.

My eyes now saw that my actions were affecting others. And hurting them. Wow that was a wake up call. I saw my stubborn heart. i saw other things i did not like. Jesus never left me. he sustained me through the process of cleansing my heart. he heard my complaints and still loved me. I experienced His guidance. He helped me renew my mind and thoughts on His Truth. He was my rock. He led me out of the darkness into the light. Jesus reminded me that He is within me and greater than anything in this world, together we dealt with many fears I had allowed to harass me. As i did what he taught me and kept renewing my mind on Him (Romans 12:2) fear was dealt a heavy blow. Many fears scurried away that day. As I applied Isaiah 26:3-4, choosing to receive the peace of Jesus and trust in Him not in fear or oppression, life turned around for me.

First hand I experienced the power in my words. The power in my tongue to either bind myself through negative words to darkness or as I express words of truthful praise to bind myself to the Light. The Truth indeed set me free, delivered me from darkness into the light. In Truth indeed I am bound to Jesus. Bound in Jesus I know boundless love.

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