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From the Heart

Battle of the Mind

Posted by Bonnie
Bonnie
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on Thursday, 18 June 2015 in Uncategorized

When in pain, whether it is physical or emotional, it can easily cloud our better judgment and perspective. Recently while sitting in a hospital emergency room with a loved one for hours I was able to observe how people handled their pain. Some looked fearful. I believe in some cases it was more a manifestation of the person's fear and pain or both. Others looked miserable. Impatience was also rampant apparent in grumbling and in some cases chewing out the medical staff.

I really see a correlation between pain and fear. Speaking from my own life perspective, the majority of pain I've experienced has probably been emotional pain. Yes, I have experienced physical pain from illness or bones I've fractured which God has blessed me by healing my body in those seasons. My fiercest reoccurring battles involving emotional pain have been with my mind. now that can encompass a broad gamut from disappointment to the loss of a loved one. One of my roughest times emotionally was being depressed fro about 2 years. This was painful time for me. It was a time of daily battling negative and dark thoughts. Fear masqueraded as a giant in my mind.

Depression had other effects on my life. Over time my physical energy decreased, sleep eluded me and I found little joy in my life. While I was steeped in self pity and being focused inwardly (otherwise being selfish) my family suffered. It is difficult to live with a person with a negative outlook on life.

They never wavered to encourage me, to pick up the daily slack when I retreated from daily chores and they never complained. They always believed I would come out of that dark place and be victorious. They also knew my savior Jesus. So they just kept loving me.

One day the light of truth broke through my dark, negative, depressive thoughts.

I knew I needed a breakthrough. I went into the bedroom with my Bible and my laptop to play worship songs. I was determined not to come out until God had changed me. I was desperate. The Spirit of God gently, persistently spoke and showed me Truth. Worship filled with Praise and Truth went deep in my heart and spirit. I rallied. I cried. It hurt to see how much of the darkness of the enemy I had allowed into my thinking and heart. I knew better. I chose to own up to my wrong, ungodly thoughts and actions. This revelation led to lots of confession and repentance first before my God. My wonderful God forgave, freely and liberally. It is hard to put into words how it feels to receive forgiveness when you know you desperately want and need it but also know you don't deserve it. How does one describe feelings of unconditional love? Or freedom from condemnation? The best way I know to do it is to introduce you to my Father God through Jesus. They are the definition. They are incredible. They are all you need.

My eyes now saw that my actions were affecting others. And hurting them. Wow that was a wake up call. I saw my stubborn heart. i saw other things i did not like. Jesus never left me. he sustained me through the process of cleansing my heart. he heard my complaints and still loved me. I experienced His guidance. He helped me renew my mind and thoughts on His Truth. He was my rock. He led me out of the darkness into the light. Jesus reminded me that He is within me and greater than anything in this world, together we dealt with many fears I had allowed to harass me. As i did what he taught me and kept renewing my mind on Him (Romans 12:2) fear was dealt a heavy blow. Many fears scurried away that day. As I applied Isaiah 26:3-4, choosing to receive the peace of Jesus and trust in Him not in fear or oppression, life turned around for me.

First hand I experienced the power in my words. The power in my tongue to either bind myself through negative words to darkness or as I express words of truthful praise to bind myself to the Light. The Truth indeed set me free, delivered me from darkness into the light. In Truth indeed I am bound to Jesus. Bound in Jesus I know boundless love.

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