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From the Heart

I Fell Upon The Stone

Posted by Bonnie
Bonnie
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on Sunday, 13 August 2017 in Uncategorized
Last night full of conflicting emotions and depleted of physical energy I flung myself on my pillow. Then at that exact moment hearing from somewhere deep in my spirit “surrender” which I did. I felt completely spent. Maybe that made it easier to recognize that it was time certain emotions needed to be dealt with at the feet of Jesus. The only one who really can feel, experience and take on those emotions that were of such intensity and rendering me exhausted.
Next I found it a bit strange to hear coming up from deep within myself, “fall upon this stone and be broken to pieces.” It went simultaneously with my inner surrender of giving Jesus my emotions and my unresolved issues. I was pleasantly surprised to find that as I surrendered or gave up my struggles they were melting away and that stone was melting into me with such an incredible, inexpressible peace. Peace continued to envelope me. It felt so amazingly good. I would describe it as feeling the strong presence of God surrounding me. I felt so perfectly safe and content. I did not want to leave being in that state for well …. never. It is so wonderful!!! Exactly what I needed and wanted.
In that peace I was devoid of fear and realized that verse in Matthew 21:44 had kind of scared me. But now I understand what it truly means. At least to me.
When I willingly fall on Jesus the Rock I will not be crushed into dust. Certainly, He has the power to crush when it is needed but that wasn’t what He had planned for me. He had a different outcome in mind.
Falling on the stone to me means giving the hurting pieces of my heart to Jesus. All of them. The broken pieces landed on Him and melted into Him along with my exhausted spirit. Jesus the one who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds, Psalm 147:3. The one who (Acts 10:34-38) went around doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him. The one whose everyday life when walking on this earth was not only sharing the good news, touching lives but healing bodies and hearts from enemy oppression.
Jesus is many things to me and now I have experienced even more with Him, He not only is an unwavering rock in my life but a rock that also can melt me with peace. He really can do anything. To me He is the only one with the answers and solutions. Now I am not just hanging on for dear life to the Rock as stormy waves come relentless, with my hair whipping in the wind. My reality is that in the midst of any storm I must slow down, be calm enough even if it is only for a split second to hurl myself upon Him. My image of this is my darling granddaughter as she with complete abandonment hurls herself on us with her hugs and kisses. She holds nothing back whether she is feeling joy, pain, fear or laughter. She already knows who in her young life is her “safe” place to run to and she does not hold back to release whatever her emotional need might be. She knows where to run to for love, comfort and protection. She teaches me so much about pure and unconditional love. My heart is very grateful for her. Very blessed and grateful for such a gift.
John 6:37- Matthew 21:42- 44 and Mark 12:10 will never be the same to me ever again. Being broken is going to happen. It is who we are as imperfect, vulnerable, humans without a comprehensive view of all things. It means living life, taking risks to love, share our lives with other imperfect humans and stepping out of our corner to care, also to be who are destined to be in the best possible way. Not all will receive us the way we hope, desire or even intend. Communication may get crossed, misconstrued, or even be maligned against us. Accusations can be flung in our faces. I know what that is like and have experienced how it feels…. at least how it feels when it happens to me. Even more reason for me to fling myself upon Jesus. My Savior. My Leader. My Deliverer. My Rock. My Healer. The one who gets me. Who helps me deal with my multi faceted emotions. The one who Loves me. Unconditionally- no matter how messy it gets. The one who receives the pieces of my brokenness and is making me whole. The one who has my blueprint.
I know that being a rock doesn’t have to mean being stone cold and hard. Being a rock can also mean being a powerful advocate, a safe harbor, peace that melts fear, and an ocean of love that reaches into the recesses of my broken heart that actually needs tenderness and fewer words. A heart that is on a path to be restored. Gently. Maybe it even needs to be replaced with an authentic heart with a greater capacity to love and extend love. The journey to wholeness may involve surrender, resignation of doing it in my own power and way but it also requires the tenacity of courage. Yes, surrender can be a sweet thing and even bring that healing that has been out of grasp.
Keeping on it.
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